In the search for balance the pendulum swings back and forth. Last night there was another correction, a minor one, in my life. I consider the minor ones as indicators that I’m on or near track.
First of all Alex and I had our second saxophone lesson yesterday. I’d been practicing but he hadn’t so the day before he and I sat down and went through a lot of it together. Within minutes he sounded better than I did. The kid picks up music like fish take to water. Anyway we had our second lesson and the instructor was impressed with both our progress. She advanced me a couple lessons and Alex and I are on track for a small duet next week. Afterward we went to a Denny’s (a new tradition for Alex and I – going to IHop, Denny’s or Village Inn afterward).
He was incredibly animated and excited during the entire dinner, there about an hour. There was one time when he was pointing both fingers forward, stopped mid-sentence and said, “I remember doing exactly this – pointing both fingers while here with you at Denny’s!” So we talked about deja vu and how often I used to get it, how I could swear I’d seen the scenes in dreams before, etc. Pretty cool but hey, it’s just deja vu, right?
After dinner of about an hour I suggested it was time to leave (about 10pm, way past bedtime). He wanted to stay and talk instead, so we did that for a while. I suggested we could continue talking in the car and at home so we ended up leaving.
On the way home he talked about how lonely he is sometimes and how much he wishes he had a brother. Not much we can do for him there and we’ve talked about that a few times in the past. But hearing him talk about that reminded me about times in the past when he’d say that he wished I was younger so we could be brothers. And other times he’d talk about how great it would be when he’s older so we’re both “grown up” and can do more things together.
And so during the course of all this, and then later on that night during some reflecting time, I realized that much of the stuff he does is waiting for me to be available; he just wants to spend time with me.
And some final evidence: I’ve been sleeping on my camp sleeping mat in the family room to get used to it (for the bicycle camping and touring I want to do). He decided to join me so he’s on his camping mat and sleeping bag as well. Instead of one or two nights it’s become a regular thing. The main point of interest is that we end up talking much longer into the evening and night than if I just tucked him into bed at night. He seems to really treasure the time.
So back to the pendulum thing. Until recently I’ve done pretty much nothing but work and have abandoned all non-employer (read: 40-50 hours a week) work . That was tough. I threw myself into long-distance road cycling and have more than 2,000 miles in the past 3 months. In fact, tomorrow will be 3 months exactly. I’ve done several century rides, 50 milers are “no big deal” and I have some pretty nasty canyon climbs (with a 40+ lb bike) under me. Still have a LOT more to do, but the point is that I’ve thrown myself into it. And maybe just a little bit too much, taking up both weekend days on several occasions.
But as the pendulum swings the strokes are shorter, narrowing in on the balance that we all seek. I think I’ve found a good solution, or at least another meaningful adjustment. My riding partner, Jill, has a son who is one of if not Alex’s best friend. They can play for 2 days straight (including a sleepover) without fighting. Wow. They’ll call each other “brother” much of the time. See where some of this is going?
So I’m thinking that I can still do one solid weekend day of riding, whether it’s climbing training, a century ride or even a double century (not quite ready for that). Alex can play with his friend while I’m out riding and they’ll both be in heaven; won’t even miss me. If the boys then want to do the sleep over thing, we can “camp” at our house or theirs and then go riding again the next day. That could be a bit much regularly as Jill has a family and home to take care of and I do as well, but perhaps every few weeks that would work out. Seems to work out well for all parties, eh?
On the other weekends, where I just do one day of riding, Alex and I can then camp (at home or at a campground) on the night of the ride and then spend the rest of the weekend doing things together.
We already have some big plans for making lego-based stop-motion movies and will put some time into those. I’m also looking into getting a second used saxophone so that we can practice together (instead of after each other) and even do the duet stuff.
So the pendulum swings but not that far. Just about right for a minor adjustment.
On a side note, I rode for an hour this morning on the trainer in my hardest gear (before anyone was up) and averaged 18.4 miles per hour. Contrast that with 3 months ago when it was around 11-12. And did I mention that I did a century on Saturday that included 3.5 hours of climbing, hard climbing, and I loved it. I bonked on the way up and had to coast all the way down, eating and recovering as we went, but even so we finished it in about the same time as a century ride without any climbs about a month ago. Definitely making progress!
